SIGNS THAT HE LOVES ME... a letter to a friend

I thought I should share this with you following our conversation the other day. I wrote this a while ago in my notebook. I had been asking God how do I know if he is the one? I know that a lot of people look at me funny and some have even called me names that I dare not mention but I have dedicated my heart to God (that is not to say it has been easy for me – rather it has been even harder because I have been rebuked a lot of times and I am sure some people have been rebuked away from me too!). Part of this is going into an article I am writing called Bride of Christ. This is not because I am in anyway an expert, God knows that I lack experience so you may find this laughable and naïve – just consider this as me sharing my thoughts and we can raise a debate in hope that we can explore it together and God’s revelation shines through.

You see Jesus analogised His relationship with the church as a bride & bridegroom and as the head & the body. If we take a hint from this analogy a woman, can recognise (and in my case I have now learnt how to recognise almost instantly – will explain) a man’s intention when he approaches her. It is important we are able to discern these things otherwise we end up hurt, bruised and broken and we ask God ‘why?’. This is why I feel that women could challenge themselves with the following:

So what are the signs that he loves you?
1) We love Him because He first loved us (1John 4:19): He is a gentle spirit and does not force us on Himself. He has lovingly called us and was made His love available and vulnerable to us and some of us still reject Him. Yet He is ever hopeful, patient and kind.
2) God so loved the world that He gave: God is generous towards us. I am not talking about being materialistic – God showed His love to us by giving.
3) He gave up His life to make the church (You) holy and clean: God’s intention for our lives is to make us holy and clean.
4) No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it: God has equipped us and made available all gifts we need – spiritually, emotionally and physically
5) He loves the church (You) sacrificially: Jesus gave Himself for the church.
6) He is her (the church) priest, provider, lover and friend: Jesus is the high priest, our provider, lover and friend.
7) He protects her, cares for her and covers her: Look at what Boaz did for Ruth, he cared for her integrity (Ruth 3:13-15)
8) He found you first: who came to the church first? I believe this means that as a woman you should never seek a man’s attention – let him find you and in the meanwhile you focus on being about your business. E.g. We all know Jacob loved Rachael so much that he worked 14 years for her! Genesis 29:9-11 Rachael was minding her father’s sheep when Jacob saw her. In this same manner we should be about our Father’s business, focusing on what He has called us to do – be it in church, at work etc.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 says love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
As a result here are some challenges you should consider when you are in or about to embark on a relationship as we need our relationship to be in God.

1) Is he self-made or yielded to the Lord?
2) Does he possess character, integrity, wisdom & compassion?
3) How is his relationship with his family & friends? [Questions 1, 2 and 3 refer to the fact that he will lead your house - do you trust him in this position?]
4) Are your goals complementary?, Do you share the same ethics? [Bible says (Amos 3:3) Can two walk together unless they are agreed?]
5) Can you live with the flaws? [Remember that the marriage vows state ‘Speak now or forever hold your peace’! – if you cannot deal with these now what makes you think that you can live with it in a committed relationship?]
6) Is the relationship too costly spiritually, emotionally and physically? [What are your true priorities? Are you following God’s will or trying to force God’s will to be your own desire? James 1:5 says that if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault so you can seek God’s will on the matter and remember do not doubt when you seek Him, verse 6, as it will only lead to confusion.]
7) Or is it making you a richer person? [i.e. do you consider how to stimulate one another to love and do good deeds. Do you bring out the best in him? Does he bring out the best in you? ]

Dating
I kissed dating good bye! Seen it on a book title once and have since wondered how then are you supposed to get to know someone before marriage? It took me a long time to realise. As a woman when a man comes up to you and say that they like you and they want to date you. Think he may seem nice – but what does he really want? To test drive you? Even if it is not as far as to get you into bed (please excuse me) are you happy to be test driven and then thrown away for not being good enough? When people date in an instance they are trying to know everything about each other – think of the pressure. Everyone tries to sound good to impress. I say sound because it is all talk! Ask yourself what made that person attracted to you? Was it purely physical? How about the emotional and spiritual aspects? It is funny how as Christians we would agree that the spiritual aspect comes first and would rate the emotional aspect before the physical but we start off attracted to a person based on their physical appearance when our need is deeper than that. {Challenge: Ask yourself what is it about this person that I like?}

Here is an alternative – friendship
Start off as friends and nothing more. What attracted you to people you are friends with today and why is it that you are able to maintain such long-term friendships? Friendship is an admiration, that is, you see qualities in a person that you like and they see qualities in you that they like and this attracts you to one another. This is why you can have people that have things in common but yet cannot get along because it is deeper than mere talk or what your job application form says. So what was the attraction? was it something in the person’s spirit? When you initially meet to go out, you should go out in a group, with other friends perhaps (and I do not mean double dating! Talk about more pressure). It is one of the best ways to see what a person is truly like. How he treats other people, how he talks to other people, does he respect himself or respect others – what makes you think he will treat you differently? Being out with other people also keeps you protected and removes the pressure of being on a date. This bit in itself is a whole new article so without dragging it too much let me summarise it quickly but we can talk about it at some point.
See friendships start off with admiring qualities of an individual (not something physical); then you start to communicate; this develops into respect (that quality that you admire is confirmed); respect leads to trust (you know what that person is capable and incapable of doing); then a new level of love develops (this is another article); this brings loyalty and devotion. All in all this takes time! For Jacob 7 years felt like a few days to him Genesis 29:20.
Therefore a woman should not even allow a man to begin to court her if friendship did not exist in the first place otherwise their courtship will be based on a rocky foundation. This is why we need to kiss dating goodbye. This is why I suggested earlier that I can recognise almost instantly a man’s intention when he approaches me. You can do so too, God has given us a spirit of discernment – but often our hearts choose not to listen (Jeremiah 17:9 – the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure, who can understand it?).

Prayer:
Dear Father,
Thank you for revealing your love in my life and providing your love for me as model of love for me to follow. I repent for the times when I have let my heart take the lead of something that is so important and related to the plans and purposes that you have for me. I now dedicate my heart to you and ask that you grant me the ability to discern true love as well as recognise the partnership that you have set out for me. Until then Lord I pray that you keep me away from temptation and protect me so that I may not sway from your paths but instead be focussed on the work you have called me to do.
Thank you. Jesus.
Amen

{Take this away with you: If he loves me he will take his time to get to know me because true friendship sticks around.}

With Love,